Thursday, March 26, 2009

Cockfighting: an introduction for amateurs and hobbyists by Becky Hunt


Hello! And welcome to the club. We hope you find the information below instructive and informative.

  • Buying your first fighting cockerel is always exciting, but don’t let excitement consume you. Remember to focus on the task in hand, avoiding the following attributes in a cockerel:

1) A contaminated, filthy appearance, moving around on injured legs with a pair of balding, insufficient wings.

2) A beak which has got a substantial part missing. Or a deformed beak which curves up into a hook. Or a beak whose sides don’t meet when shut, splaying out in kinky directions.

3) Damaged eyes, or no eyes. Too many eyes. The wrong kind of eyes.

4) Remember to enquire about the age of the bird and use your instincts. If the seller says the bird is under a year old but it looks like it is 100 years old, then it is probably 30 years old and a passive homosexual. Look at the seller, thinking: do I trust you? Do I trust your product?

5) Do not buy an un-hatched egg, even if it comes at an inviting price with a guarantee that what is inside is a premier example of cockfighting. Too many cockfighting amateurs have gone home to hatch out a terrapin, a duck, or a lizard. Do not become one of these broken-hearted statistics.

  • Taking care of your bird is a big responsibility. Make sure you have a chicken-run set up for the express purpose of housing and training a fighting bird, full of dangerous obstacles and natural enemies. Take time every day to spar with your bird, using a bin-lid as a shield and goading it with a plank. When pieces of the plank are kicked off and the end is reduced to a splintered shard, your bird is ready to take to the ring. If you are in doubt, throw a lit firework at your bird. Does he fly up to meet it in an explosion of masculine rage? Yes, he’s ready.

  • Every sport has rules. These are some of the standard rules of cockerel fighting.

1) Insist that your bird is pitched against a bird of the same breed or size and experience. Do not, for example, agree to fight your novice Bantam against a Jersey Giant at the height of his career; you may as well wring your bird’s neck in the parking lot and head to the nearest strip bar.

2) Do not fortify your bird with alcohol or stimulants. A drunk, hallucinating cockerel will roost on the floor, head under a wing, happy to submit to the most brutal assault, clucking uselessly under a snowstorm of spurred feet. Use your jackass brain: would you fight in that state? If the answer is yes then you are unfit to cockfight and an embarrassment to your competitors.

3) Do not dress your cockerel in armour. Any cockerel walking into the ring with a blade taped to its head, baking trays attached to its wings, and a pair of steel guitar slides worn over its ankles will be disqualified for life.

4) Do not humiliate your cockerel with a pep talk before a fight. Let it peck at a dish of vitamin-enriched grain and gunpowder, privately working itself into a sensual blood lust.

5) During your cockerel’s training and sabbatical periods do not allow children to think that he is a pet. He is a warrior. If they touch him it will ignite the warrior. This situation has ruined more picnics than anything else on record, including wasp attacks, sudden torrential rain, dog urinations, and the late discovery of a bull in the field.

If you follow these basic guidelines you’re sure to enjoy years of savage, bloody gratification with your fighting cockerel. So hurl him into the pit and enjoy! Hurl him in!

A Boy And A Tiger - Yonlu

Becky Hunt has written a lot of short stories and is now finishing a book in east London, where she lives. And this is triple real, Neil.

Photo by Adam Lawrence.
Street art by santo.

At the age of 16, Brazil's Yonlu had already made a series of odd, but heartfelt recordings ranging from somber folk-pop to hip hop laced outbursts to lo-fi electronic sounds. Just before his 17th birthday Yonlu (aka Vinicius Gageiro Marques) took his own life. This was nearly two years ago, and finally his hollow cries and quirky thoughts and rhythms will be heard on April 14th courtsey Luaka Bop Record.

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